If you have known me for very long, you know I don't do puke. Ever. I can't. 

Lucky for me, we don't get sick. Hubby and I have not puked in almost 9 years. The kids have each puked only once or twice in their lives. 

Hmm... is this too much puke talk? This is real life. Deal. 

When the kids have been sick, my fantastic husband handles it and all is well. If I smell it, then we have more puke to clean up. Catch my drift? 

I know some of you good mommy bloggers don't talk about your kids, because it's their story to share. I applaud you. I am not that momma. Maybe when we get to middle school. For now, they are flesh of my flesh and I have a big mouth. I need to share. Or I will explode. Lesser of two evils.

This weekend my son was away with a friend at Great Wolf Lodge. Eden and I planned a playdate with a new friend. We were looking forward to it. It was a long weekend due to a birthday party and babysitter, so Sat night I bribed her... yes, I bribe my kids. I told her if she slept till 8am, I would giver her one dollar. Daddy was at work, so it was just us girls. 

Sunday morning she slept and slept and slept. RED flag. Very out of character. I thought she must really want some cash. At 9:04 she came in and asked if she could have her dollar. I was over the moon. We had a super healthy breakfast (donut with sprinkles) and headed to church. When we were coming home, she complained of a stomach ache. I told her to lay on the couch, have some water, and try to use the bathroom. Isn't that the standard tummy ache speech? I asked her to eat some lunch so we could go to her friends house. She barely ate a few grapes and a string cheese. RED flag.

We arrived at the playdate and played. What else do you do at play dates? I didn't hear from her for about 90 minutes. The littles were upstairs and us moms were chatting over chai tea. All was well in the universe. Then she wanted to use the bathroom and wanted me to come with her. Weird. RED flag. Once in the restroom she showed me her panites... with runny poopies in them. Maybe I should post a disclaimer at the top. Graphic content.

Back to the story. Not sure what to do. Stuck in a bathroom of a new friends house. This is not my forte. This wasn't in the "how to be a mom" handbook. I explained her choices were to borrow undergarments, which she thought sounded embarrasing and terrible, or wear her jeans home - comando style. She was not wearing her own clothes at this moment, little girls play dressup. Darn. Both options required help from the outside world. We sat for a few minutes. I thought she would calm down and make an educated decision. Then I made the decision for her and left the bathroom for help. Did I mention this was our first playdate here? The mom was gracious and super helpful. Eden wanted to leave immediately. RED flag. 

We came home and she wanted to lay down and watch a movie. She had a few more trips to the bathroom. RED flag. In our new rental, there are hardwoods everywhere but the bedrooms. In the bedrooms is nice long thick shag style carpet. I love it. We bought all the furntirue off cragislist for the rental for the exception of one borrowed fabric chair. She of course wanted to lay on the cozy lounger fabric chair. So would I. The leather or pleather is cold. We watched Cinderella and were just starting Beuaty and Beast. She had been fine for like 3 hours. 

Dear son returns home at this moment. So glad to see him. Can't wait to hear all about his first big weekend away. He has a huge grin. But first, he must show Eden the gift he got her. He has such an amazing heart. Love that kid. We enter the bonus room {really a bedroom} where Eden is watching Beauty and Beast. She yells, "I need a bowl" I am frozen. Not sure how much time passed. I look down at the floor and see a hat box. I dump that out and before I get it under her, the beast is unleased. Vomit. With chunks. On the fabric chair AND the long shag carpet. Double your pleasure. I grab her head and try to aim her projectile for the cardboard hat box. Then her hair starts getting in her puke. What? I have to hold her hair too? I have short hair for a reason. I am desperately trying to keep the puke in the hat box and her hair out of the way. This is no small task. Eden askes Elijah for some napkins and I ask him to grab a pony for her hair. It all happened so fast. And I didn't run. I faced my fear. Last time I was near her puking I ran the other direction. I didn't earn any parenting awards for that. Good thing she was like 2 years old and can't remember it. Now, the aftermath. I set the hatbox down to help clean her face and put her hair up. RED flag. Or moron flag. Or something. The hat box is not designed to hold liquid. It had begun leaking out bottom onto fabric chair. 

We get things cleaned up, and I strip both of us and do the laundry. I call a girlfriend and ask how to get puke from fabric chairs. I am almost done. I am feeling proud. And the smell starts to get to me. Girlfriend warns me that a repeat performance is likely. I can't imagine that to be true. RED flag. 

Both kids are super tired. I declare 7:15 bedtime. Now, where should Eden sleep? They share a room in the rental, and she sleeps on the top bunk. Thinking this could turn out bad. I ask her brother to trade beds. He thinks that could turn out bad. There is no place for a mattress on the floor in our room. Darn rental. So, it starts to become clear that she is going to sleep with me. If you know me well, I don't like this. I didn't co-sleep. I didn't nurse from my bed. I don't want any child in it whiile I am sleeping. I am such a light sleeper that I never get any sleep. But, with daddy at work, I decide I would give it a go. By 7:30 she is fast asleep on daddys side of the bed. I am thinking we are out of the woods. I did put a few towels down and a puke bucket just in case. 

A great friend brings over an emergency kit. Cheesecake Truffles for me, cupcakes for me, stickers for Eden. I love great friends. Wait, the 4 cupacakes were to share? Oops. I consume much sugar and chocolate and am feeling better. Proud of my accomplishments. 

I go talk with Elijah and hear about his weekend. We do our regular bedtime routine and I come back to bed. Lights off because Eden is sleeping. I put my phone on vibrate and get ready to surf the net in the quiet. Then my phone starts vibrating. Its fantastic husband. I answer and start to whisper. He can't hear me. I whisper louder. He is not sure what is going on. Then I hear it.... the sound of lots of water splashing. RED flag. Red alert. Holy smokes. She is puking in my bed...........

I didn't hear her because I was too busy whispering to dear husband. So, round 2 of clean up begins. How does it happen so fast. She was just sleeping. Then she was splashing. No words in between. It was dark so she aimed for the bowl. Some made it, some didn't. Some missed the towel. And back to that long shaggy carpet. Awesome. She is crying, which wakes up Elijah. He gets up out of his bed and goes to get her more napkins for her face and nose. 

I slept terrible. Every time I heard any noise, I sat up thinking she may be puking. She sat up wondering why I was sitting up. I got up to pee, she woke up. We are both such light sleepers. Nobody really slept. Except Elijah. She made it through the night. Praise God. She was heartbroken to find out that she couldn't go to school. Neither of my kids have ever missed a day of school for being sick. She hated driving him there and dropping him off. Torture. 

We get back and open the sticker book.

And there she has sat the whole day today. She has proclaimed many times how much she loves all the stickers and the big drawing pad and us working together and how much fun it is. She has worked on them for 5 hours. She just told me that she loves staying home with me. And wants to do it everyday......

WHAT? HOMESCHOOL? I can only conquer one fear a year.